Things fall into place when you stop looking
It’s happened to you. It’s happened to me.
When we stop looking, forcing and worrying, things magically seem to fall into place.
I discovered my calling the moment I stopped frantically worrying about my career. I began loving the skin I’m in the minute I stopped obsessing about what I looked like, how many calories I had or what I weighed. Even writing – my epiphanies only come when I stop trying so damn hard to make it work.
You & me…we know this is how life works. But our rational self can’t seem to accept it and so we fight letting go. We reject “going with the flow” and tell ourselves this way of being is reserved for the people who really don’t care about achieving all the things they want. We refuse to let go of the stronghold we have on life and believe hustle and heart will set up apart. We’re constantly looking – looking for the next one, the right one, the better one, the perfect one. Whether it’s a job, partner, accomplishment or goal, the very act of looking deflects finding. In so many ways we end up perpetuating the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle of Life.
There’s looking, and there’s seeing. When we are looking, we aren’t seeing.
When we look for things – when we get caught up in the frantic energy of trying to get ahead or get more – we are not seeing things are they truly are.
When you’re looking for the next step up the ladder, you don’t allow yourself to see the work as it really is. You miss it’s point, purpose, meaning, resonance. All you really see is the title, role, office, bonus. But that’s not what the work itself signifies. And we can’t find or reach our potential this way.
When you’re looking desperately for a partner, you don’t stop to see people for who they are. You bypass their frailties, longings, sufferings, beauty. You see a person that, because they look or act a certain way, you believe can complete you. But that is not who they really are. And we can’t find real love this way.
You must stop looking so that you can see.
Since I discovered my purpose, I’ve been on a mission to be the teacher of teachers – looking for the next opportunity that would, take me “there”. And so, I put in the time helping facilitate intenSati leadership trainings in whatever capacity I could. I sought out the opportunities that would put me in that kind of role and I went out in a big way to be a master trainer at Life Time. In each of my ventures I was looking, looking for something outside of myself, caught in the energy of doing more and believing that if I did more and proved more, I could have more.
When we look for things – when we get caught up in the frantic energy of trying to get ahead or get more – we are not seeing things are they truly are.
I didn’t see it at the time, but the role of master trainer was really nothing more than a title, a role. It wasn’t connected to my greater sense of purpose and potential and “getting it” never would have taken me where I ultimately wanted to go. Even all the years I was helping on the sidelines of intenSati leadership training – all the years I was trying to prove to my teacher that I was ready to do more – I was only proving why at that time I was not in fact ready.
When I stopped looking to prove, I just did. When I stopped trying to force, I could just be with whatever was. Only when I was ready to see myself as myself, not as some person with a title or role or whatever, was I able to know myself.
When we see ourselves as we are, we can open ourselves. The fear and anxiety around what we want or what we don’t have might still be there, but it no longer is all that we are. And it’s only when we realize we are not our goals or our fears or our hustling, that we don’t have to look anymore.
When we stop looking, what we’re seeking will find us.
I decided before the last intenSati training I helped facilitate in Boston, that I was going up to learn from my teacher – to be a student of the teacher of teachers – that I had nothing to prove and everything to learn. I let go. I learned. I led authentically. Was it any coincidence that weekend that my teacher told me I was ready to lead a training on my own? Absolutely not.
When I didn’t land the role of master trainer, I was devastated I would never be a teacher to teachers and I had to open up to the idea that my dream wasn’t limited to one lane. And, as life would have it, a conversation with my yoga teacher propelled me on a journey to lead Yoga Teacher Training – something that I was supposed to be doing right now, this Fall, at a club I am no longer at. There was a huge piece of letting go that had to happen there too as all those events transpired. But it was only when I stopped looking for my “next” thing that I literally stepped into it.
This January I am leading our very first Yoga Teacher Training at Life Time Ardmore. And if I’m honest, it’s a bit surreal to be writing that. It’s one thing to set the intention or goal and another thing entirely to watch life fall into place better than you could have imagined it. But for me, and hopefully for you too, it’s the reminder that life can only fall into place when we allow it to.
Allowing our life to fall into place, having it turn out better than we could have expected, is actually one of the simplest things to do. But, it’s also one of the hardest. It will require you to soften, to listen and to see rather than hustle, prove and look.
It takes great courage and grace to allow ourselves to be with what is and to infinitely trust that everything will work out – not to find, but to allow ourselves to be found.
This week, invite yourself to stop looking. Remind yourself that you don’t have to try so hard and really, when you stop forcing, that’s when the magic unfolds.
xo
PS: I hope you’ll join me on this incredible 12-week journey that starts in January 2019 (and really never ends 😉 ) If you’re looking to expand your yoga practice, to deepen your sense of self and purpose, if you want to teach yoga or never teach yoga – then this training is for you. Learn more.