What are you afraid of?

“Fear is just a biological response to uncertainty and when we allow that awareness to come into the fold,

we can make a new choice.”

-Mastin Kipp

I woke up this morning with the tired I-want-to-stay-in-bed-all-day feeling. As the feeling to stay in bed grew, the voice in my head reminded me that I had done most of the prep work for my classes this week, work that I would typically look at on Monday. The voice reminded me that I didn’t teach until 6 PM tonight, so I could quite literally sleep all day. The voice reminded me that I haven’t had a day to catch up on my sleep recently and today would be a good day for that. All the things the voice told me were true. As I went through all the good reasons I had for staying in bed, I wondered why the “reasons” were there. It wasn’t so much what the voice was telling me. It was the why: why is the voice telling me these things?

 

When I sat with the feeling of tiredness a bit longer I realized it had less to do with what I wanted to do or not do. When I sat with my tiredness, I realized it had less to do with what I needed to do or not do. When I allowed my awareness of the situation and my response to unfold, I understood that I wanted to stay in bed because I was afraid. That the world around me and the circumstances I am facing are imbued with uncertainty. I realized it wasn’t a case of the Mondays. It was my habitual MO. It was my normal response to fear: go and hide and don’t deal with anything and when you wake up it will all be better.

 

But I knew it wouldn’t be better. This wasn’t a hangover I could just sleep off. It was a deeper burning for certainty and truth and freedom. It was the courageous pursuit for more that made me so deeply scared. I’m scared of being on my own. Even though my husband and I equally acknowledge our deep and mutual friendship, that what we have is no longer a marriage; even though he understands and respects that I am interested in women and have been for quite some time, it doesn’t make our divorce any easier. I’m scared of not being able to cut it on my own. I’m scared that I will be a burden to those around me, emotionally and financially. I’m scared I will need help. I’m scared because I know I have trouble receiving anything, even so much as a compliment. I’m scared to let people in because what if I hurt them too? What if I hurt the girl I have feelings for? What if she hurts me?

 

And, I am still scared. Even as I write this, I want to lay in bed all day. The difference is I have awareness on why I want to lay in bed. Awareness is that powerful. It afforded me a choice: I could stay in bed, sleep, pretend the only reason I want to be there is because I am physically tired and in need of rest; or, I could acknowledge that while I am tired, there is a deeper seated reason for wanting to stay in bed and that reason was reason enough to make a new, empowered choice to get up and out of bed.

 

When we are faced with uncertainty (will the tiger staring at me lunge toward me and kill me?) we are biologically wired to produce fear. It’s our flight or fight response. It’s been with us for survival purposes and still comes in hand in those “tiger” moments. What we have to realize, however, is that uncertainty doesn’t always equate to certain doom or death. In the case of tigers, speeding cars, and dark alleyways, yes…fear is a good thing. It may keep us alive. But our everyday circumstances are most likely not of that variety. Heartache hurts, but will we die from it? Not likely. You may have fear of never losing the weight or of putting it back on-you may have uncertainty in your job, financial stability or in your relationships-but that fear won’t kill you. Staying in bed will.

 

Breakthroughs happen when we are at the fold.

 

Our breakthroughs happen when we are faced with fear and feel the fear BUT also acknowledge the fear for what it is. That is where awareness comes in. Only when we can acknowledge fear, we can make a new choice that empowers us. And it is because WE make the choice, because we take ACTION, that we experience success. The only moment we fail to experience success is if we fail to take action aligned with our higher good, aligned with our intentions. We must remember and acknowledge always that every step is a victory and every fall is a lesson. Taking action is key but we can only take that action from a place of awareness. Awareness is that powerful, especially in the face of fear and uncertainty.

 

What are you afraid of? Are you willing to let awareness guide you to your higher good? What new choice are YOU making today?

 

May you trust in yourself, in the infinite wisdom in you,

May you listen to your heart, to the why of the matter,

May you be guided with awareness to be the change you seek,

And may you find comfort in knowing none of this happens alone.

 

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